3 Tips for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson to Weather the Infidelity
I too bought into the fantasy that twenty something celebrities Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s romantic chemistry onscreen transcended their infamous movie roles as Twilight’s Edward and Bella, and played out in their real lives too. Like those gushing 14 year old girls so smitten with Pattinson and Stewart’s Romeo and Juliet-esque on screen love story, as an ardent fan I too wanted to believe that they embodied that same heat and passion in the real world, because if they could sustain that kind of love in the real world, well then it seemed more attainable for all of us regular folk.
However, being a 22 year old woman, Kristen Stewart has a lifetime to immerse herself in romantic entanglements and my guess is Robert Pattinson is likely just the first of several men she'll be enamored with over the course of her life. Which leads me to this exploding bombshell of a news story depicting an intimate relationship she shared with her very married father of two, Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sands, which has shell-shocked her fans and forced her to wear a modern day version of a rather large Scarlett letter on her chest. But before Twihard fans get all hot and bothered -although Stewart was caught in a series of incriminating photos that show her in a steamy make out session with the much-older Sanders, apparently her infidelity was just a kiss and was allegedly never consummated. All of which begs the question-- can a couple get past an infidelity that was JUST a kiss?
I believe it depends on the couple and just how much they have invested in their relationship and whether they can allow themselves to forgive such a breach of trust. The bottom line is allowing oneself to be intimate in any way with someone other than the person to whom you are committed is like taking a stake and driving it through the very heart and soul of your relationship. And while personally I can understand Robert Pattinson's quick decision to move out of the home he shared with Stewart, according to Dr. Fran Walfish a couple CAN stay together despite an infidelity, if they are willing to follow these three tips.
#1 Accountability. the main ingredient that keeps together a couple in which one partner cheated is genuine accountability in the cheater. This person must truly own up to their mistakes and express empathy, compassion, and regret for how they hurt their partner. For example, I treated a couple in which the husband cheated. I told him what he did was wrong and that if she was willing to give him one more chance, he would have to demonstrate his remorse and give her time to reestablish trust. This husband cried real tears and talked to his wife about how sad he was that he deeply hurt her. He immersed himself into intensive individual therapy to understand the root cause of his infidelity.
#2 Bear Anger. Also, required is a sturdy ability for the cheater to bear and tolerate expression of direct anger from their partner whom he or she betrayed. Most people attempt to avoid, deflect, deny, and defend against a loved one being angry with them. A large part of the victim's (any victim of a hurt) healing is in the ability to verbally blast the aggressor, or the one who caused the hurt. Your tolerance in bearing the intense emotions validates the victim's feelings and facilitates the healing process. The cheating is a breach of trust. the hurt may never fully go away. but, it can heal and pain lessens in time.
#3 Reestablish Trust. Patience in the forgiveness process is also required. People generally do not forgive this type of betrayal quickly. During the forgiveness process some people who were cheated on do not want to sleep in the same bed as the cheater or engage in sexual interaction until trust has been reasonably reestablished. The cheater must exert genuine patience without pressuring his or her partner. He or she must want their partner to feel comfortable at all times. This shows your significant other that you truly care about their feelings and comfort level.
Do you think a couple can overcome an infidelity?
