Woody Allen: Guilty or Not? Did He Molest 7 Year-old Dylan?

We may never know the truth about what happened between Woody Allen and his former girlfriend, Mia Farrow's adopted then 7 year-old daughter, Dylan.  It seems Americans today love to judge.  The majority of women under age 30 years think Allen molested the child.  Others, especially Woody's Hollywood friends, including Barbara Walters and Diane Keaton, have gone public declaring their support of him.As the leading child psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, I believe the voice of the child.  At age 7, Dylan said he sexually molested her.  Kids don't make this up.  Sex is not in the realm of a child's fantasy.  It either happened to her or she saw something that planted the idea in her head.  At the time of Dylan's allegations, the Court decided not to proceed with the investigation as it would traumatize the child.  Woody Allen committed the cardinal sin.  He took naked photographs of, and became sexually involved with the adopted minor child of the woman who bore his children, Mia Farrow.  To the child, Soon-Yi, Woody was a second father figure.  Take one hard look at the face of Dylan Farrow today.  Hers is the face of trauma and abuse.If Dylan Farrow were my child patient and told me that her mother's boyfriend touched her inappropriately I would explore and examine.  If I believed it to be true, I'd report it.  All that's required is reasonable suspicion and this child's voice, now an adult, has certainly convinced me of that.

Pornography Consumption In Relationships

Dear Dr. Fran, how does being honest about pornography consumption with a partner lead to greater relationship satisfaction? Jack S.

Dear Jack, okay now, you’ve got to come clean with me….or at least with yourself.  Is one of you a little kinky while the other isn’t?  I’ve heard everything in my private practice from obsession with feet, toes, armpits, belly buttons, on and on.  More specific info would be helpful.  Being honest about pornography use with a partner indicates that the person is comfortable with their own sexuality and the things that sexually titillate, stimulate, arouse, and turn-on their excitation.  Secrecy about pornography consumption can be felt as a betrayal and raise mistrust, suspicions, and put a wedge of distance between the partners.  Therefore, honesty is required, and open dialogue is the glue that holds people together which leads to greater relationship satisfaction.  In a case where a partner would need to come forward about their pornography consumption a few questions come to mind.  Why it is that it was kept discreet in the first place?  Is it because their partner is inhibited and might judge them for this type of behavior?  Does the person feel shame about their own pornography usage?  These are important questions to ponder.  Depending on the answers the individual comes up with it may or may not be so easy to talk to their partner about this.  Sometimes, it helps to retain the services of an experienced therapist or counselor to help the couple open dialogue about their sexual likes and dislikes.  Often, it takes a skilled professional to do a thorough dating and sexual history with each partner to help each one assess themselves.  When both partners are equally open sexually and emotionally it can be exciting wonderful foreplay to watch pornography together.  Often, watching can stimulate ideas, themes, and scenarios that can illicit spontaneity and adventure for the couple.

Halle Berry

I was tracked down by paparazzi shortly after my interview about Halle Berry's Thanksgiving Day drama was published by WENN. I recommended that Halle Berry help her daughter through through this no doubt traumatic time by taking her to talk with a therapist. Here's the article. 

Halle Berry's four-year-old daughter should see a therapist to deal with family tensions resulting from a fight between her father and her mother's fiance, according to one of Los Angeles' top child psychologists.

On Thanksgiving Day, the actress' ex Gabriel Aubry and fiance Olivier Martinez got into a fight over custody issues, and both men were hospitalized.

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Financial Impact on Marriages

How do you keep your marriage together when you have financial problems?

Marriages require a solid foundation based on trust and open healthy communication.  Flexibility is required, as well.  I treat many couples in which the husband lost his job and can't find work so the couple decide to change their roles.  He stays home with the kids while his wife goes to work to bring home a paycheck. Should you practice gratitude?It helps to practice gratitude and generosity.  The more grateful and giving we are the more positive our attitudes and the more good things come back to us tenfold. How do you set aside your worries and still make time for romance?It's easier said than done to set aside our worries when there are real stressors including money in our lives.  People are anxious, worried, and tense.  It's hard to feel romantic and sexual when you are under strain.  Take turns giving and receiving a relaxing message with your partner.  Turn on Marvin Gaye, or Sade music, lower the lights, and pour a glass of wine.  Find ways to relax together, talk together, and these will lead you toward a warm, closer connection. Should you turn to others for support and not just your partner?Absolutely, you should turn to others for support.  A trusted friend, counselor, family member, priest or rabbi are often available to talk with.  There are certain areas that your partner may feel too vulnerable to talk about.  Get support.  You may need guidance or advice from a clean-slate who is outside the line of stress.  Do everything you can to nourish and nurture yourself so that you have more to give to your partner, children and family. Any other thoughts?My Top Tips are:*  Be kind to your partner.  How we treat our significant other sets the model for how they will treat us.*  Create an open discussion.  Talking is the glue that holds relationships together.*  Balance love/nurture with setting/holding boundaries.*  Build self-esteem by using words that support and motivate, rather than criticize.*  Equip yourself with coping skills to deal with disappointment.  We cannot protect or prevent life's disappointments. The best we can do is equip ourselves to deal with inevitable life letdowns.*  Never engage in negotiations, bargaining, or deal-making, especially when resolving conflicts.  Rather, talk about what you feel and want in the moment.  This is empathy.  I define “empathy" as the computer chip within our personality (character) that allows us to imagine the impact of our own behavior on others.  So, this not only includes knowing how the other person feels, but also imagining and anticipating their reactions to your own behavior.  People who lack this quality have a Narcissistic trait.  When this dynamic is expansive in the person's overall relating to others the person may have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. When two partners in a marriage negotiate, bargain, and make deals it's usually with their "own" thoughts and needs front and center.  When they talk about their own needs and wants it is more honest and straightforward.  When your partner expresses his needs and wants it helps if you reflect out loud what you hear him saying.  He should do the same for you.  This creates a feeling of mutual validation.  Sometimes, a solution is not found immediately.  It's okay to agree to disagree by accepting that we each have our own separate and different opinion.