CREATING TRADITIONS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Just like when it comes to myths such as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy many parents want to carry on the tradition of fun by nurturing a gentle belief in these myths when their kids are young, so can dating and married couples establish and build traditions in their relationships. For example, this is Academy Awards Weekend. I have made it a personal meaningful tradition every year to make my homemade fried veal chops and watch the Oscars telecast with my friends! Mark special dates and events by creating foods, activities, or places visited to re-enact and relive the meaning and feeling of your original experience. It will bond you deeper and closer to your partner and friends.
Accountability - Dr. Fran's 2018 New Year's Resolution
Accountability is my one word that "Power Word" that summarizes therapy. The self exploration and self-awareness that therapy entails hopefully leads to the ultimate goal of owning up to our own issues, both personal and in relationships. This is my definition of Accountability. It is also Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s definition of “Conscious Uncoupling” where each partner going through divorce owns up to his and her issues. Accountability and owning your issues beats a New Year’s Resolution for 2018!
The #MeToo Movement Is Making Men Reconsider How They Treat Women
TERROR ATTACK IN MANCHESTER
Talking about terrorism: tips for parentsChildren are exposed to news in many ways, and what they see can worry them. Our advice can help you have a conversation with your child:* Listen carefully to a child’s fears and worries. Instead of shoving too much anxiety-provoking information and reassurance into your kids, ask them what they heard about the Arianna Grande concert in Manchester, England.* Offer honest clarification and comfort.* Avoid complicated and worrying explanations that could be frightening and confusing.* Help them find advice and support to understanding distress events and feelings.* Be sure to monitor your own feelings, affect, emotional temperature, and cues you may unintentionally give to your kids. If you are anxious, they will be, too.One of the most challenging issues triggered by a terrorist attack is the feeling of lack of control over our life. Empower your kids by suggesting three (3) things. 1) suggest that your teen write letters to families affected by the Manchester attacks. This is therapeutic to your child by expelling and expressing powerful feelings. 2) if your child wants to donate and help the families, suggest a Bake Sale and contributing the proceeds to an aid organization. 3) keep lines of communication open with your tween and teen. Talking is the glue that holds people bonded together.It’s also important to address bullying and abuse following the terrorist attacks.Some children may feel targeted because of their faith or appearance . Look for signs of bullying, and make sure that they know they can talk with you about it. Often children might feel scared or embarrassed, so reassure them it's not their fault that this is happening, and that they can always talk to you or another adult they trust. Alert your child’s school so that they can be aware of the issue.Dealing with offensive or unkind comments about a child’s faith or backgroundIf you think this is happening, it’s important to intervene. Calmly explain that comments like this are not acceptable. Your child should also understand that someone’s beliefs do not make them a terrorist. Explain that most people are as scared and hurt by the attacks as your child is. You could ask them how they think the other child felt, or ask them how they felt when someone said something unkind to them. Explain what you will do next, such as telling your child's school, and what you expect them to do.
ROMANCE AT THE OFFICE: DR. FRAN'S TOP 4 TIPS
1) Ask yourself if this person could be your lifetime partner? Don't risk your job and all the potential complications unless you believe he or she is the real deal. I’m not saying you have to marry her, just be serious.2) Keep your romantic relationship discreet in the office. Do not confide in friends/coworkers at the job. Do your best to keep personal and business separate.3) If you take the relationship to the next level by either moving in together or getting married, keep individual last names at work. Jealousies and alliances may form and it's difficult to know who your friends or enemies are. Don't rub it in everyone's face that you are one (a team) with your lady by having the same last name.4) Keep your eye on the ball. At the office, your main objective is to do your job with complete focus and concentration. Do not send personal messages to your lover while on the job. Laser focus on the work and demonstrate pristine ability to keep your personal life private.Happy Valentine’s Day!
Woody Allen: Guilty or Not? Did He Molest 7 Year-old Dylan?
We may never know the truth about what happened between Woody Allen and his former girlfriend, Mia Farrow's adopted then 7 year-old daughter, Dylan. It seems Americans today love to judge. The majority of women under age 30 years think Allen molested the child. Others, especially Woody's Hollywood friends, including Barbara Walters and Diane Keaton, have gone public declaring their support of him.As the leading child psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, I believe the voice of the child. At age 7, Dylan said he sexually molested her. Kids don't make this up. Sex is not in the realm of a child's fantasy. It either happened to her or she saw something that planted the idea in her head. At the time of Dylan's allegations, the Court decided not to proceed with the investigation as it would traumatize the child. Woody Allen committed the cardinal sin. He took naked photographs of, and became sexually involved with the adopted minor child of the woman who bore his children, Mia Farrow. To the child, Soon-Yi, Woody was a second father figure. Take one hard look at the face of Dylan Farrow today. Hers is the face of trauma and abuse.If Dylan Farrow were my child patient and told me that her mother's boyfriend touched her inappropriately I would explore and examine. If I believed it to be true, I'd report it. All that's required is reasonable suspicion and this child's voice, now an adult, has certainly convinced me of that.
Alec Baldwin to Be Old Dad, Perhaps a Better Parent
At 60, Arthur Schwartz sees many of his college friends talking about retirement and grandchildren, but he is energetically immersed in the busy lives of his two young daughters, aged 9 and 7."I hang out at school with parents in their 30s," he said. "It changes your perspective on life.This is round two for Schwartz, a New York City lawyer who has adult children from a first marriage and two more with a much younger wife.However, becoming a father in his 50s, he now enjoys the patience and perspective of maturity.See Photos of the Oldest Celebrity Dads"It was different, for sure," Schwartz said about raising his first family, a 25-year-old son and a 22-year-old daughter, when he was in his 30s."I didn't spend enough time with the older ones," he said. "I worked until 8 or 9 at night. ... I worked one day a weekend and sometimes two."It's also take two for comic actor Alec Baldwin. Just this week, at 54, the same age as Schwartz when he started a family anew, Baldwin announced to the TV show "Extra" that his 28-year-old wife, Hilaria Baldwin, is expecting their first child.Schwartz said his reaction to Baldwin's news was, "Good for him, but he better slow down and make time for [the baby] -- and don't run for [New York City] mayor."Baldwin has a 17-year-old daughter, Ireland, with his first wife, Kim Basinger.
He once had a strained relationship with his daughter. In a 2007 voicemail, he famously called Ireland "a rude, thoughtless, little pig.""Alec Baldwin is getting second chance in life to do it right this time," said Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills psychotherapist and author of "The Self-Aware Parent."Other celebrities, like 68-year-old Michael Douglas, have publicly said they made better fathers later in life. His 34-year-old son, Cameron, from a first marriage, has struggled with drug abuse. But today, Douglas reportedly enjoys a close relationship with his children with Catherine Zeta-Jones -- Dylan, 12, and Carys, 9.Men with younger children say it keeps them "feeling young, alive, and mortal," said Walfish. "It is a distorted belief that, unconsciously, is an antidote to fear of dying. Having a younger woman and kids keeps the lid on their anxiety about their demise."But on the positive side, older men in second marriages often make better parents.http://abcnews.go.com/Health/alec-baldwin-wife-pregnant-fatherhood-time/story?id=18494143
How To Deal With Bullying In The Workplace
Most people think bullying happens only in the playground. But it can happen in the workplace. An office bully can be a boss or co-worker–anyone who singles out another person for unreasonable, embarrassing, or intimidating treatment.According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, up to a third of workers may be the victims of workplace bullying.The increase in workplace bullying has even caught the attention of some politicians and there has been a 10-year-long move to pass the “Healthy Workplace Bill” across the country. The bill proposes to make changes to the current discrimination and harassment laws to address bullying concerns. Five states have seven versions of the Healthy Workplace Bill active in 2013. And since April 2009, 16 U.S. states proposed similar legislation.If you find yourself a victim of workplace bullying, there are some first immediate steps you should take. “Document and isolate,” advises former Old School rapper turned sports agent and children’s author Glenn Toby, author of Lil G Faces the Brooklyn Bully. “This means contact a person in authority in or out of your organization to get assistance and consult them regarding the matter. Isolate means to identify each of the violations. Use eyewitnesses [and] recording devices (check local and regional laws). If there is a group of people offending you, breaking up the mob will help you in creating a strategy to identify who is lying or can help legal personnel or a law enforcement professional to better investigate and document the abuse.”Also try to change your approach to the person or persons bullying you. “My best advice to someone being bullied in the workplace is to practice using phrases like, ‘I’m not comfortable with that’; ‘I see it differently’; ‘That doesn’t work for me’; ’We disagree and have different styles of communicating,’” says Beverly Hills psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of The Self-Aware Parent. “You can set boundaries and regain control by using gentle language that drives your point home. It’s not necessary to make enemies at work. But, it is very important to define the lines that others may not cross. It is a quiet strength when someone can do this in a benign, clear, and matter of fact tone.”Read more at http://madamenoire.com/261096/not-just-in-the-schoolyard-how-to-deal-with-bullying-in-the-workplace/#MR2VPuM68jycQarU.99
What Youth Can Take Away From the Fall of Lance Armstrong
Lance Armstrong recently admitted in exclusive and extensive interview with Oprah Winfrey that he repeatedly used banned illegal dopePersonally choosing Winfrey for his “big reveal,” Armstrong answered numerous questions and revealed truths that many have longed to know.For example, the once beloved cyclist told Winfrey that he had used banned illegal dope and other drugs throughout his career. In fact, doping had played a major role in all seven of his Tour de France triumphs.Yet Armstrong noted, that at the time of his big wins, he never felt guilt or shame in using the illegal dope.To many critics, during his interview, Armstrong lacked any remorse for his previous actions.However, it seemed that he did feel terrible about the impact that his actions have had on his family. For instance, Armstrong held back tears as he talked about having to tell his son that the rumors about his cheating were true. He told his son: “Don’t defend me anymore.”It is clear that the repercussion of Armstrong’s actions will greatly impact the rest of life. So what can society–especially youth and young adults–take away from Armstrong’s actions?Dr. Fran Walfish, who is Beverly Hills psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent told RIZZARR that youth and young adults can learn a lot about how lying, cheating, and greed will eventually lead to one’s destruction.She believes that primary take away from Lance Armstrong’s actions of cheating and lying is to always tell the truth. By doing so, anyone will avoid trouble at all costs.“If you lie, you will forever be hiding and running from the truth,” Walfish told RIZZAR. “When you’re caught, it can end your career — whatever field you are in.”Walfish said that truth will always come out eventually. For Lance, “his truth” was greatly revealed during the interview.“What we see exposed is Lance’s self-proclaimed arrogance, defiance, and fierce ambition to “win” at any cost,” she said. “As an experienced psychologist, I see through Lance’s emotional thinking and it’s clear he has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The main defining trait is that he lacks the computer chip in his internal character organization to imagine the impact of his own behavior on others. He felt entitled with no remorse about the unfair leg up he stole over his competition.”Even during his confessions, Walfish noted Lance did not look like he felt guilt. In her opinion, he simply looked ashamed about getting caught: “A Narcissist will always shoot himself in the foot at the hands of his own greed. “She concluded her thoughts by saying that she hopes youth and young adults will realize that the truth will always eventually be revealed. The way to rise to the top –and to stay there– is to live by honesty.
Parenting Amid the Connecticut Tragedy
Words fail. How does a parent try to explain to a child what happened at the elementary school in Connecticut yesterday. The horrific massacre is every parent's worst nightmare - unthinkable.Unless your child has been exposed to this incident - by radio, TV, or internet, there is no reason to bring it up to him. The likelihood, however, is that he heard about it in school either in a classroom discussion or overheard other kids talking about it on the playground.Begin by asking him what he heard versus shoving too much upsetting information into him. Begin by asking, "Did anything happen at school today that you want to talk about?" This open-ended question leaves the door wide open for your child to bring up anything he has on his mind.If your child says, "Did you hear what happened at the school in Connecticut?" it's best to explore what he knows. Ask him what he heard, read, or saw. Then you can start the conversation based on what he knows, answering his questions honestly, minimally, and be able to tweak and correct any misinformation to the best of your ability. The idea is to be truthful, yet not unnecessarily raise his anxiety. Say as little as possible and state the bare facts.If he asks, "What happened?", say "Some grown-ups and children were killed at a school far away from where we live."If your child asks "Why did he do that?" say, "He had a serious problem with his brain and thinking and he did a terrible thing. Just like people sometimes have problems with their bodies, like a hearing loss or a hand that doesn't work, once in a long while someone has a severe problem with his brain. The guy who did the shooting had a big problem with his brain and he did a horrible, crazy thing. But, once in a rare while someone's mind doesn't let him know what's right and what's wrong. But, this is very, very rare." If your child is older, 10 years and up, depending on his maturity level, encourage the conversation. Ask him what he thinks might have been going with someone who does something so horrific. Share the same facts about mental illness, and the rarity of the act. Not only will he share the burden of his fears with you, thereby lessening the weight on his shoulders, and you will be able to reassure him of the randomness of the act and how remote the likelihood of it happening again is. You might also consider mentioning how the media and internet bring terrible news instantly and relentlessly. Having it thrown at you constantly makes it even bigger in a child's mind. Fears of all kinds may be generated in your child. Do not try to downplay his fears. Rather, acknowledge that you understand he is frightened. Reassure him over and over that you are all safe, that this was an unusual event. It takes people, including children, time to process events like the killings in Connecticut. Don't be surprised if he continues to ask questions over and over. He is only trying to make sense of the senseless the best he can.Be careful how you talk about the events when your child may be listening. Kids hear everything and they have laser-sharp radar that zones in on your affect.